Serious problems or challenging life situations can induce distress—a state where the burden on an individual becomes overwhelming, and they feel incapable of coping. The causes vary widely, ranging from job loss or relationship breakups to worldwide threatening events.
People employ various cognitive strategies to adapt and reduce emotional strain, and blaming others is one of them.
The popularity of this coping mechanism can be explained by the intricacies of how the brain functions. In the book “Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst,” neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky explains that when we contemplate our actions, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex is activated, associated with emotional experiences. However, when it comes to other people, the insula and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex are responsible for logical reasoning.
We judge them based on dry facts since we cannot know what others think or feel. This cognitive bias leads to the fundamental attribution error, where we attribute our evil deeds and failures to circumstances but ascribe others’ actions to their personal traits. For instance, “They failed the test because they’re dumb, but I failed because I didn’t get enough sleep.”
This error makes blaming others even more accessible, as we can attribute many negative qualities to them, deeming people inherently evil and fostering resentment and hatred.
Why Blaming Others Is Not the Best Strategy
Primarily, blaming others hinders conflict resolution and a sense of comfort. Such an approach multiplies hatred, narrows the focus of attention and prevents considering the problem from different angles.
For example, acknowledging a coworker as unpleasant may discourage any effort to find common ground. Why bother making an effort when they are just that way and, therefore, unlikely to change?
Furthermore, personal well-being is compromised. Scientific studies note that blaming and other maladaptive stress coping mechanisms reduce emotional well-being, induce anxiety and depression, and worsen communication problems.
Alternatives to Blaming Others
In one study, besides blaming others, eight cognitive strategies were identified for coping with stress. Some of these are maladaptive and do not help cope with tension. Rumination, a continuous cycle of thoughts and feelings dedicated to a problem, is one such strategy.
Additionally, self-blame and catastrophizing, which emphasize the horror of the experience, are also counterproductive, accentuating the intensity of emotional distress.
However, there are positive strategies that increase the chances of adapting and restoring mental peace:
- Acceptance: Acknowledge the situation and strive to make peace with it. This is considered a positive strategy because, by accepting reality, you can proceed with rational actions.
- Planning Focus: Concentrate on planning—consider the steps to deal with the adverse event. Deliberating concrete actions helps reduce anxiety, fosters optimism, and improves self-esteem.
- Positive Reappraisal: Replace negative thoughts about a situation with pleasant memories or thoughts about positive events. This helps distance yourself from negativity and can be helpful in circumstances without control.
- Perspective-Taking: Evaluate the seriousness of an event or compare it to other situations. This strategy includes various methods, such as checking actual statistical data, focusing on facts instead of fears, recalling the successful overcoming of similar problems in the past, and recognizing positive aspects of the present.
The next time you feel the urge to blame someone for your misfortune, try replacing this strategy with one of the above. A proactive approach will prevent you from hating people in vain and help you emerge from the emotional pit with a healthier mindset.
